Friday, September 13, 2002

Tell me Something true!

Something true? OK!

I'm holding, holding, holding back. I'm too afraid to let go and yet, I am so willing to take
everything in and never allow myself to be fulfilled. It's never enough. When I was watching
dolphins swim outside my window last night, I was captivated by the smell in the air and the taste
that the water left on my lips. I remember thinking that I missed my friends and that life, was odd
and so different. I saw myself moving away from what once was, towards what now-has-to-be. I
don't know how to react to such extremes. I don't know how to swim like the dolphins and yet I
watched them fly through the water, like kites in the wind, wishing that I could join them. AND just
think... Dolphins playing and singing-- I felt almost as if they were teasing me because I was held
back by my bedroom walls and my unyielding human legs. I longed to be so graceful and so
beautiful and it was hard knowing that if I were to attempt to swim I would sink. Sink! Sink to the
bottom of the world and never be able to float back to reality. I felt overwhelmed by my
restrictions. Oh, what was I trying to say? why were the thoughts so unorganized and deformed? It
was impossible to decode my inner feelings. And as any onlooker would notice the word blah...
blah... blah comes to mind when reading this reflection. Blah? Blah? Blah? Is that what people
would think when they read the most truthful confessions of my soul? Oh, the pain! the
unbelievable embarrassment, that I have such a boring life that reading my diary causes one to fall
asleep. Well-- "tell me something true," you say. And I answer truthfully. Light comes in many
forms and it is very important that I share a ray of light with you, my best friend. And if I were a
rainbow I'd share my pot of gold with you. After a stormy night, I'll always be your puddle to
splash in.

Saturday, September 07, 2002

Do Not Shiver

Do not shiver sir. I will find you comfort. I can wrap my life around you and fill your empty belly
with more then you can stand. I remember when I saw you sleeping on the street, singing a song
from the war (the war which you never fought in) and screaming out loud how they owe you a life.
Dear sir please DO NOT shiver, I can see the worms crawling into your ears and it only makes it
worse when you can not stand up straightand face your fate. Please SIR do not shiver, I can not
find the words to give you peace. I can see the dancers parading down the street laughing in the
face of those in need. I can see their cars running on money and their shoes kicking disgrace into
the eyes of those who can not seek shelter in the night. I saw those who shiver on the corner, the
ones who live life day-to-day. I wonder who is better? Am I any better then the rich or the poor?
Are you SIR any better then the rich who oppress you and laugh in your face? The money they run
on *the money they will not share *the money that is not fair. Dear sir, I feel your shiver and I
understand why it is so cold out here. Can you stop that shiver, sir? I know how I can. I just have
to walk back into my middle-class life and turn a blind eye to those in need. Isn't that how the
world works? Dear sir do not shiver, I know I won't when I have forgotten your face. Could this
be reality? Shameful But true. Dear sir, you do not shiver. Is it because you have too much pride or
is it just because you have no more life in your soul and you have been forgotten for the last time?

Thursday, August 15, 2002

Holy(how drunk is this) Man

Today when I opened my eyes I saw God. I asked, "is that you God?" The voice spoke softly and
slowly. So softly and slowly I could not understand a word he said. When I really opened my eyes
what I saw wasn't God at all. It was just my talking New Kids On The Block poster. Boy, was my
face red!

A Splash of Wisdom with an Element of Surprise

How odd it is when we say "surprise" and "good-bye" all in the same sentence. How odd it is
when a person cries and laughs in the same moment. When I looked for my reflection in the clear
water I saw myself above a million busy fish. Fish know what life is all about. Fish never worry,
they just live. If you were to open up my head you would not see a fish inside. Maybe one day
when I am very wise you will be able to see a beautiful fish swimming around inside my head.
Maybe, but I can only hope....

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

"I don't want to wait in vain for your love"

some people are just too smart for their own good
woudn't you say? I would just love to sit down and see the world through someone else's eyes. How beautiful would that be? If I could see the world through your eyes and u through mine then we would understand each other. I'll paint something through your eyes and you can draw a scene through my eyes. If we showed each other our work maybe we would understand why apples are not blue and why bob marley is a legend. I swear you will see-- here take my eyes I pulled them out just for you.

Paranoid. Paranoid. The MAN is watching and I think I see Uncle Sam in my backyard, hiding in
that tree. Maybe not though. It could just be a huge human-like bird, but still, it smells of money.
*The way it sings his patriotic songs. The way he watches me-- the way I watch him. The way he
sits on top of those eggs and never shares them with anyone.* I know a lady who has the most
powerful voice. When she sings you step back because you can feel her song suffocating your
soul. I'll be able to sing like that one day. I'll shake the world once my dentist cleans and fixes my
teeth so the sound won't leak out like how sand slides through your hands even when you
hold it tight. I bet if the doctor glued me fingers together, sand would never escape my hand's
merciless grip. A person who can hold onto sand and control if it falls out is the person I take my
hat off to and raise a glass of Vanilla Coke to. That person can eat ketchup chips in my bed any
A wise pool sign once said "Walk, Don't Run"

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

Its a big one boy its gonna hold you down now
purple on sundays and green on tuesday. I'm waiting for a reply that is taking years to be sent.
Once I get the letter I'll jump up and down and maybe I'll go swimming or maybe I'll just drown.
But while I sit around waiting I jump up on a wave and ride the tide until the sun turns blue and
there is nothing left to do. I look at the cover and yell TAKE THAT!!!! and hope he's
"back for good" "the day after tomorrow"

makes no sense? No i guess you have to look inside the tiger to see the truth of the written and
unwritten word-- read between the lines even when the lines are blurry and smudged
Spies came out of the water and I caught them in the jam. Stealing all of our money. But don't
worry They won't tell the secret that we craved into that tree. We are safe --only when we read our
safety book.
web into your mind!