Friday, September 13, 2002

Tell me Something true!

Something true? OK!

I'm holding, holding, holding back. I'm too afraid to let go and yet, I am so willing to take
everything in and never allow myself to be fulfilled. It's never enough. When I was watching
dolphins swim outside my window last night, I was captivated by the smell in the air and the taste
that the water left on my lips. I remember thinking that I missed my friends and that life, was odd
and so different. I saw myself moving away from what once was, towards what now-has-to-be. I
don't know how to react to such extremes. I don't know how to swim like the dolphins and yet I
watched them fly through the water, like kites in the wind, wishing that I could join them. AND just
think... Dolphins playing and singing-- I felt almost as if they were teasing me because I was held
back by my bedroom walls and my unyielding human legs. I longed to be so graceful and so
beautiful and it was hard knowing that if I were to attempt to swim I would sink. Sink! Sink to the
bottom of the world and never be able to float back to reality. I felt overwhelmed by my
restrictions. Oh, what was I trying to say? why were the thoughts so unorganized and deformed? It
was impossible to decode my inner feelings. And as any onlooker would notice the word blah...
blah... blah comes to mind when reading this reflection. Blah? Blah? Blah? Is that what people
would think when they read the most truthful confessions of my soul? Oh, the pain! the
unbelievable embarrassment, that I have such a boring life that reading my diary causes one to fall
asleep. Well-- "tell me something true," you say. And I answer truthfully. Light comes in many
forms and it is very important that I share a ray of light with you, my best friend. And if I were a
rainbow I'd share my pot of gold with you. After a stormy night, I'll always be your puddle to
splash in.